Some of the feedback I received from my posts on the use of the word "Creep" last month gave me pause, pause to explore both the male and female perspective on this word. I had an interesting discussion with a female colleague of mine who specializes in gender issues. She gave me more insight into the context and function of the word "Creep" for women, and it did start to make more sense to me. This did not settle my concern around some responses from mental health professionals as well as other comments in past discussions. Some comments were overtly diagnostic based from this concept of a creepy feeling from a man. 

Men are hardwired to be attracted by physical traits. This is not the only path to attraction for men, but it is usually the first and more immediate one. It is like a reflex we cannot control. What guy has not been chided by their partner for looking when they shouldn't be? I am not promoting men to keep getting themselves in trouble here, but just pointing out the intensity of our biology which pushes us to do things we know can get us in hot water. It is so automatic sometimes we are not even aware it is happening.

 First off, the fact I am not in my professional garb in this video is relevant. This is me wearing what makes me comfortable and happy. That is part of the message I want to convey to men here (comfortable, happy men tend to be better partners). 

To start with the Nature of Man topic for this month, I am opening up more of a question about man's nature rather than a definitive statement. This has to do with the stereotypical role of men as providers. Men struggle with this, often not feeling like they are matching up to the provider they think they should be, the provider their loved ones want, or both.

The most common reason for anxiety that I encounter from men is around rejection.

Owning your masculinity likely does not mean what you think I am implying here. It is not the stereotypical "be tough" macho man kind of call to action. For some men this might be their natural masculine expression. When I use the term Masculine Expression I mean feeling comfortable with yourself and not allowing yourself to be swayed by others to change who and how you are and taking a more active role in expressing this to others, whatever it is. It's not about being dominant so much as it is about feeling comfortable with your interests, your personality, your desires as well as holding your own boundaries and being assertive when the situation calls for it.

"Respect" toward women has been a predominant theme in the media lately. This is a worthy message all men should heed. But, like I alluded to last week, some men get wrapped up in the message and become confused after acting in accordance with the message. Some men who are my readers and come to my practice hear this message of "Respect" loud and clear, practice it diligently, but then see something very different play out in real life. This recent message of respect called for from women has been mostly in reaction to Robin Thicke's song 'Blurred Lines,' and his performance at the VMA's with Miley Cyrus. I am not going to get into the song or controversy here, but only want to highlight a piece of the narrative that is out there that is confusing for men.

It has been awhile since I posted anything in the Inspiring Examples of Resistance series I started last year. This has not been because of any lack of inspiring stories out there, because there are many. I had my focus on other areas.

Often, once a relationship has been established, or developed into a somewhat long-term relationship women will often complain, "I don't know what happened. He changed." This change people make once in a relationship comes in many forms.

The biggest problem I have observed, which I will focus on in this blog, is that men often believe they have to put up a front when meeting women or dating in order to create a specific impression that will generate attraction. Once in the relationship, men then let their guard down and believe, "Phew, now I can finally relax and be myself." 

There are three problems with this.

1) this implies that these men think that they cannot be attractive without pretending they are someone they are not.

Earlier this week I put out an idea on Facebook and Twitter that created some buzz. I wrote "Happiness is self-contained." Not only is this idea the cornerstone of work I do with my clients around self-development, it is deeply ingrained into my concept of life.