Often people look to love and relationships as a way to find something they believe they don’t already have, whether it be comfort or to relieve anxiety or insecurity. In other words, people are looking for their missing piece, and this leads to disappointment time and time again. Attraction and the lead up to relationships are not always comfortable. If every new romantic interest is a way out of your emotional pain, unhappiness, discomfort, that is going to come across and alienate that person… S/he is not there to be your source of comfort. This is a perk that comes with a great relationship, but to get there you have to be able to do this for yourself first.

The key to a great relationship is not about finding the best partner, it is about being the best partner you can be. That starts with being your best you. Being your best you means being happy with your life and the way you’re living it. Being the best partner you can be is not about how much you can give tangibly, it's about how much of your best self you're able to bring to the relationship. In many communities online, this is called 'Value.' This begins by believing in and feeling great about yourself first and foremost. If you don't value yourself, no one will do that for you. Even if this does happen, inevitably this pattern will break down, you'll have a partner expecting you to carry your own weight, and you'll be left to struggle with a frustrated partner as well as your own relationship frustration.

Finding happiness in your dating life and relationship is about fully being yourself and being able to communicate that to people. That is the true source of your personal power. There are no secrets or gimmicks that make this an easy feat. Being able to be yourself in front of loved ones and friends is VERY different than doing so under the pressure we feel when faced with when getting to know someone new, as with a first date, or ironically when exposing our true selves to our partner again after many years of being on auto-pilot, after growing apart and trying to reconfigure the relationship, or recovering from affair.