Have You Ever thought about feeling good about yourself just for the sake of feeling good? Without some sort of end goal like feeling good about yourself so you can find a relationship?

In our culture we are taught that to be successful you have to be goal oriented. Further we are advised that we have to make our goals very specific. There is definitely merit in this, but often the big picture gets lost in this version of goal setting. Do we have to have a reason to feel good about ourselves? Or to simply feel good? 

I say we don’t. Feeling good about yourself, in it’s own right, is reason enough. It gives that all important mantra “I am enough” the rubber it needs to meet the road and get you traction you’re seeking with your self-esteem. 

Why is this important? 

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Subject: can you blame me for wanting you?

Negativity is common for those of us who have had a difficult life or even a series of recent bad experiences. Even if you aren’t predisposed to negative thinking it is difficult to resist negativity under the forces of hardship or social pressure. 

When it comes to women, single men are very preoccupied with not being put in the friend zone. I often get the question "Do you think that means I've been put in the friend zone?" or the exasperated statement "I think she has me in the friend zone." The implication is that this is a completely passive experience and that even if the man is in the friend zone that he has to stay there and tolerate it.

Two areas where men can get stuck in over-attachment that leads to trouble getting into a relationship: one-itis and getting over an ex.

Last week we started this months theme breaking down some reasons behind men's fear of rejection. Men are in a unique position when it comes to rejection since traditional gender roles still prevail around courtship and dating. The pressure is on men to be the initiators. This pressure can trigger intense anxiety for men that inhibits their ability to connect with women romantically. With help men can learn how to harness the stress response involved, especially with such a specific anxiety.

Let's start with looking at men's behavior in situations with rejection potential. How do most men handle this anxiety related to the fear of rejection? In one of three ways:

It has been awhile since I posted anything in the Inspiring Examples of Resistance series I started last year. This has not been because of any lack of inspiring stories out there, because there are many. I had my focus on other areas.

Men's rational minds seem to stop working when they become physically attracted. I don't mean to judge, because I've been there myself. All men have been there. It is responsible for men diving headlong into unhealthy relationships, why men can't get over a break up (especially when it is the right thing for them), or even get caught up in becoming obsessed with one woman, otherwise known as one-itis. There can definitely be other extenuating emotional factors involved, but for the purpose of simplicity I will focus on this one factor that is more common in men than women, leading me to scream out to all men captivated solely by physical attraction - "It's a trap!" (to join in the recent flurry of Admiral Ackbar references going around lately)

As of late I have been focused on pointing out the pitfalls of negative thinking, particularly how it holds you back from reaching your true potential. In conversation I've noticed this message has been misinterpreted as waging a full scale attack on negativity. When I speak about being positive, it is not to say that one should not be experiencing negative feelings, or eradicating negative thoughts. Negative feelings are a healthy, natural part of life. To feel angry, annoyed, frustrated, etc. are all ways in which our emotions signal us to pay attention to problems we need to address in our lives. Problems arise when this negative vibration becomes ingrained in habit and persists as a low grade humming in your daily life below your radar.

First it is important to identify non-constructive forms of negativity as they apply to men (some of these can be applied more generally):