Some of the feedback I received from my posts on the use of the word "Creep" last month gave me pause, pause to explore both the male and female perspective on this word. I had an interesting discussion with a female colleague of mine who specializes in gender issues. She gave me more insight into the context and function of the word "Creep" for women, and it did start to make more sense to me. This did not settle my concern around some responses from mental health professionals as well as other comments in past discussions. Some comments were overtly diagnostic based from this concept of a creepy feeling from a man. 

Last week we started this months theme breaking down some reasons behind men's fear of rejection. Men are in a unique position when it comes to rejection since traditional gender roles still prevail around courtship and dating. The pressure is on men to be the initiators. This pressure can trigger intense anxiety for men that inhibits their ability to connect with women romantically. With help men can learn how to harness the stress response involved, especially with such a specific anxiety.

Let's start with looking at men's behavior in situations with rejection potential. How do most men handle this anxiety related to the fear of rejection? In one of three ways:

Owning your masculinity likely does not mean what you think I am implying here. It is not the stereotypical "be tough" macho man kind of call to action. For some men this might be their natural masculine expression. When I use the term Masculine Expression I mean feeling comfortable with yourself and not allowing yourself to be swayed by others to change who and how you are and taking a more active role in expressing this to others, whatever it is. It's not about being dominant so much as it is about feeling comfortable with your interests, your personality, your desires as well as holding your own boundaries and being assertive when the situation calls for it.

"Respect" toward women has been a predominant theme in the media lately. This is a worthy message all men should heed. But, like I alluded to last week, some men get wrapped up in the message and become confused after acting in accordance with the message. Some men who are my readers and come to my practice hear this message of "Respect" loud and clear, practice it diligently, but then see something very different play out in real life. This recent message of respect called for from women has been mostly in reaction to Robin Thicke's song 'Blurred Lines,' and his performance at the VMA's with Miley Cyrus. I am not going to get into the song or controversy here, but only want to highlight a piece of the narrative that is out there that is confusing for men.

Discussions on other forums made me realize I needed to add one piece to my post about men being clear with their intentions. Some men are not upfront about their intentions because they are shy, anxious, or preoccupied about being rejected, and play it safe. Some men are not upfront because they think that no woman would want to just have sex, and by not saying anything they can fly under what they think is the "constant surveillance for a relationship" radar of all women. Some men who want a relationship with a woman are afraid to explicitly say so because the woman has said that she only wants something casual, and silently suffer through heartache hoping the woman will come around in time.

An all too common complaint I hear from men when it comes to dating is "It's so much easier for women." I might have used to sympathize, but my experience and maturity has led me to believe that this statement is bulls--t. More than anything this is used as an excuse to avoid the anxiety that comes with learning and personal growth. Yes, it is easier for a woman to get laid. But, how do you think a woman feels when constantly having to determine whether this man who is showing her so much attention, saying all of these exorbitantly flattering things to her, is being truthful or just trying to get into her pants?

This is the first excerpt in my new series "Inspiring Examples of Resistance." My hope is that this will inspire people to have the confidence to say no, feel more comfortable setting personal boundaries, and inspire them to fully embrace the power of self-acceptance. This excerpt is about one woman's unique form of resistance to a more current phenomenon, cyber bullying. What makes this example of resistance so unique, in my opinion, is that it provides us an example that might seem counter-intuitive in our culture, demonstrating just how powerful non-violence can be.

Letting go of the preference for a certain outcome, especially when you're really attracted to or deeply love somebody, is one of the most difficult states to attain. How can you be in a relationship and not want it to work out, right? Why wouldn't you want to get off of Match.com and be exclusive after you FINALLY meet someone you actually click with? Giving up your preferences for the outcome you want can be one of the most freeing decisions you ever make and can take you and your relationship, or future relationship, to the healthiest possible place.