An all too common complaint I hear from men when it comes to dating is "It's so much easier for women." I might have used to sympathize, but my experience and maturity has led me to believe that this statement is bulls--t. More than anything this is used as an excuse to avoid the anxiety that comes with learning and personal growth. Yes, it is easier for a woman to get laid. But, how do you think a woman feels when constantly having to determine whether this man who is showing her so much attention, saying all of these exorbitantly flattering things to her, is being truthful or just trying to get into her pants?

Finding a real connection, a relationship, someone who is authentically interested in them and not just sex is wrought with obstacles for women. Delaying sex is one way to make sure that the man is for real. It does not always mean rejection. Men often think that once they have sex they are validated in their masculinity, and the rest unfolds from there. This is what the deal breaks down to… women are really the Yin to our Yang, and that is more than just sexually speaking. Women are going to test our integrity as men, and that is a good thing. 

This is why I constantly coach men that what they think is rejection is not necessarily rejection. It can also mean "Not yet." To a degree persistence is sexy, of course only up to the point it becomes stalking. And, if it isn't already obvious to you that "No" still and will always means "No," then you have more than enough self-entitlement, and you should probably stop reading here and check out a different post (read She's Not Your Mother). If a woman has not explicitly told you to move on, often the door is still open. All too many men become discouraged and give up because they are seeking positive emotion from the woman. They simply do not get that they are responsible for generating their own positive emotion. This is a sign of low self-esteem. Maddeningly when men do give up women will often wonder what's wrong with him, and this is where gender differences in communication breaks down. Men do not realize they are giving up prematurely. Women are not always explicit, and some prefer to communicate in subtext. Men often communicate in a logical, uni-directional manner, where explicitness is the way, and do not take the time to pay any attention to the emotional sub-communication. Many men have difficulty expressing any emotion at all! And yet, what seems obvious to women, men are oblivious to. The difference between obvious and oblivious comes down to two letters guys…

This statement "It's so much easier for women" can also translate into anger. This emotional block grows into something more than just an excuse, but can translate into a chauvinistic attitude that poisons a man's dating life. A strong sign of healthy self-esteem is wanting others to succeed, even when you are not. To brood on this statement "It's so much easier for women" alludes to resentment for the success that man imagines women having. Instead of wanting to take someone else down a notch embrace your own personal development and strive to do something positive for yourself. Others' success should be an inspiration, not an opportunity to devise how to undercut it (read Supporting Gabby). The lesson is that you, as a man, will only feel deserving of success when you believe you're allowed to have that success. If you don't believe it at your core, no matter how many women validate your ego, your self-esteem will not be on solid ground. Your self-esteem has to be independent of whether you get the girl or not. You are responsible for your own positive mental state. If you can get this part of your life, you will exude a natural confidence, and people will want to be around you, and stay. 

References:

She's Not Your Mother: Finding Joy in the Journey

Supporting Gaby