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Subject: can you blame me for wanting you?

                                                          Who's steering this ship anyway?

Negativity is common for those of us who have had a difficult life or even a series of recent bad experiences. Even if you aren’t predisposed to negative thinking it is difficult to resist negativity under the forces of hardship or social pressure. 

We are living in a very heated time when it come to male-female relationships. As a man the messages can seem contradictory and confusing. On the one hand you hear the message that men are entitled and need to respect what a woman wants, yet on the other hand you hear that women are attracted to confident men, and see women go for the jerks who do what seems disrespectful. You may have even been told to “man up” by women who are frustrated because you haven't made a move yet (but, you were trying to be respectful, right?).

Most men believe they are absolutely positively good at two things. Most men think they can win a fight (especially when we are angry), and most men think they are good with women. The pain the first belief can cause is obvious. The second belief is not as readily apparent to us, and a lot of excuses can be made for why an interaction or relationship with a woman didn't turn out well. When we don't accept that we may be part of the problem it can cause significant emotional pain that further alienates our ability to establish attraction and carry that into a relationship. When you can come into acceptance with the fact that you might not be good with women it makes the path forward very clear and then you can begin to make the changes that are going to open up new, positive experiences with women. 

Two areas where men can get stuck in over-attachment that leads to trouble getting into a relationship: one-itis and getting over an ex.

Some of the feedback I received from my posts on the use of the word "Creep" last month gave me pause, pause to explore both the male and female perspective on this word. I had an interesting discussion with a female colleague of mine who specializes in gender issues. She gave me more insight into the context and function of the word "Creep" for women, and it did start to make more sense to me. This did not settle my concern around some responses from mental health professionals as well as other comments in past discussions. Some comments were overtly diagnostic based from this concept of a creepy feeling from a man.