Most men believe they are absolutely positively good at two things. Most men think they can win a fight (especially when we are angry), and most men think they are good with women. The pain the first belief can cause is obvious. The second belief is not as readily apparent to us, and a lot of excuses can be made for why an interaction or relationship with a woman didn't turn out well. When we don't accept that we may be part of the problem it can cause significant emotional pain that further alienates our ability to establish attraction and carry that into a relationship. When you can come into acceptance with the fact that you might not be good with women it makes the path forward very clear and then you can begin to make the changes that are going to open up new, positive experiences with women. 

As I've stated before a large part of our energy goes into seeking pleasure and avoiding pain (click here). There is a certain utility in this, but the problem that arises from this is that we can start to invest so much in avoiding painful experiences that we close ourselves off to an important motivator to make the changes we need to make in our lives. I'm going to propose a new perspective of break ups and point out two distinct benefits of what we otherwise tend to see as a solely negative experience.

 First off, the fact I am not in my professional garb in this video is relevant. This is me wearing what makes me comfortable and happy. That is part of the message I want to convey to men here (comfortable, happy men tend to be better partners). 

To start with the Nature of Man topic for this month, I am opening up more of a question about man's nature rather than a definitive statement. This has to do with the stereotypical role of men as providers. Men struggle with this, often not feeling like they are matching up to the provider they think they should be, the provider their loved ones want, or both.

Last week we started this months theme breaking down some reasons behind men's fear of rejection. Men are in a unique position when it comes to rejection since traditional gender roles still prevail around courtship and dating. The pressure is on men to be the initiators. This pressure can trigger intense anxiety for men that inhibits their ability to connect with women romantically. With help men can learn how to harness the stress response involved, especially with such a specific anxiety.

Let's start with looking at men's behavior in situations with rejection potential. How do most men handle this anxiety related to the fear of rejection? In one of three ways:

The most common reason for anxiety that I encounter from men is around rejection.

Fall is here. This is exciting because this is typically the best time of year to surf in New England with the hurricanes from the South in the Atlantic pushing storm swells up North for surfers to enjoy. 

This past Tuesday the swell hit Hampton Beach in New Hampshire. All of my excitement came to a head and ended in disappointment. As I preach to all of you I decided to make the best of my disappointment. Surfing taught me another important life lesson.