Be Clear With Your Intentions



Another common complaint I hear from men is that they cannot tell if the women they're interested in like them or not. The insinuation is usually either that women are difficult because they are not more direct. If this is something that rings true to you, consider that the problem may be you and not them.

If you are not upfront about your intentions, the woman has nothing to accept or reject. How can she then be clear? If you are not being clear, then she is not going to be able to be clear either. If you're conversation with her drones on as if you are just trying to make nice friendly chit chat, she is going to be caught up trying to interpret what you want. At first she'll assume that you're interested in her sexually, but if you're talking to her friend to friend, she will be thinking "Is this guy interested in me? Does he just want to be my friend? What's going on here?" Eventually she may grow confused and frustrated. If she's looking for something romantic she may start to feel bored. In fact, in some cases she may even feel rejected!!! I'll bet that is a shocker for a lot of men out there. Her thought process in this scenario might go something like "When it comes to women guy's want sex, and he's not acting interested in me at all. Does that mean he doesn't like me?"

Women cannot let you know they're not interested because IT IS NOT CLEAR THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED! Let me clarify… Chivalry is good. Being respectful, good. I am not saying get sexual right away. I am not saying have sex right away. But making your intentions clear up front is key, and this means interacting man to woman. Make it clear that you are interested in her, then once you have that established, build the relationship from there, become friends from that starting point. This will solve so many problems and take so much confusion out of the process. It will help you avoid what so many people online call the dreaded "Friend Zone." Most importantly it allows the woman to make a fully informed decision about how she wants to proceed with you. Women resent when a man tries to pretend he is not sexually interested to seem non-threatening, and then later blind sides her. This creates an aura of mistrust, and that is a horrible way to start a relationship. To be direct is not easy and takes a lot of self-esteem (bravado, mojo, swagger, etc.), yes, but it is attractive in the short term and creates a much healthier relationship in the long run.

Bottom line is that if you feel you are not getting clear signals from a woman about whether she is into you or not, most likely you're playing it so safe that she has nothing to accept or reject. If you have been clear, and you've not been hanging out long, then maybe she wants to get to know you more. If you've been hanging out a while and you are still getting mixed signals, then either she's playing games, has a boyfriend she's undecided about, or has emotional issues around intimacy.


Photo Courtesy of Ed Yourdon (