Have You Ever thought about feeling good about yourself just for the sake of feeling good? Without some sort of end goal like feeling good about yourself so you can find a relationship?

In our culture we are taught that to be successful you have to be goal oriented. Further we are advised that we have to make our goals very specific. There is definitely merit in this, but often the big picture gets lost in this version of goal setting. Do we have to have a reason to feel good about ourselves? Or to simply feel good? 

I say we don’t. Feeling good about yourself, in it’s own right, is reason enough. It gives that all important mantra “I am enough” the rubber it needs to meet the road and get you traction you’re seeking with your self-esteem. 

Why is this important? 

1) Healthy self-esteem is important for one’s confidence and being solidly grounded in one’s identity, but it’s also a key indicator of attractiveness. Many men hold common self-limiting beliefs like “I’m not good looking enough”, “I’m overweight”, “I don’t have enough money”, or “I’m too short.” None of these qualities, in and of themselves, make or break the potential for a great relationship. In fact the overpowering allure of that person who has fully accepted themselves for all of their strengths and weaknesses in undeniable. Salman Rushdie comes to mind.

2) Healthy self-esteem is an important individual quality that helps ensure a healthy, lasting relationhip. We all need to be able to meet our own emotional needs when our partner can’t, otherwise this risks building resent. Also, an inability to meet one’s own needs can allude to co-dependence that can also slowly pull a relationship apart over time.

It is also the perfect litmus test to determine whether you are in a healthy relationship. Do you feel good about yourself with your partner most of the time? Sure there are times we’re going to make mistakes or hurt our partner’s feelings, but if your feelings are hurt most of the time or you often feel bad about yourself in the presence of your partner, this says a lot. 

No matter how healthy our self-esteem we are not impervious to the effects of emotional abuse. Sometimes the pursuit of love gets the best of us and in our well-intended effot to put the work necessary to make a relationship work, we look back and wonder how we let ourselves get so deeply involved. It happens to good people al the time, especially nice guys and gals. 

Though it doesn’t make us impervious to emotional or psychological abuse, healthy self-esteem is an effective buffer against it and all the negative repercussions that result from it. 

3) Most importantly, this relates directly to your level of wellness. The National Safety Council reported that “as much as 80% of all disease and illness is aggravated by stress.” Stress related disorders are one of the most significant impediments to wellness, and often a factor in premature death. The bottom line, life is too short. 

Self-care is sexy. It’s a sign of strength. Many nice guys believe it is selfish to indulge in self-care. Giving is certainly noble and a sign of healthy self-esteem, but not when it is done at the expense of self-care. 

A balance of both is beneficial to both you and any other counterpart in your life, or how much other people are attracted to you, as two examples. There are so many other goals that get met effortlessly as a by product of healthy self-esteem.

Getting to the First Date has received praise from it's readers: "What's in this book is exactly what I would have said to myself after a year of learning online dating on my own through trial and error. It saved me the time and effort of having to learn the hard way by figuring it out through my own mistakes." 

Getting to the First Date is a great fit for men:

- looking for a mindset shift to help the dating process start to go the way you want

- recovering from a breakup or divorce and trying to get back out and date again

- recovering from a bad or abusive relationship and trying to figure out how to establish a healthy relationship dynamic from the start 

You can download Getting to the First Date: The Online Dating Sidekick for Men now for only $4.99 

If you're still not sure you can check out my free Online Dating Checklist to start